Godfrey's Guide

she was a young and attractive woman on the run and he was a lawyer who wanted to save her:

HER NAME WAS APHRODITE AND HIS NAME WAS EMMETT...
AND  BOTH OF THEM WERE MY GOOD FRIENDS.  SHE WAS  originally from Athens, Greece, arrived in America with her mother at the age of 10 and came to Houston at the age of 20.  One rainy evening in the winter of 1981, I was home alone when the telephone rang.  I picked up the receiver, and heard Aphrodite's voice on the other end of the line.  What are you doing? she asked.  Reading a book, I answered.  Is Barbara there? she said.  No, I answered.  Finish your book tomorrow.  I'm at the club.  I need to talk to someone. At that time,   I didn't know Aphrodite as  well as I would in the future, but even then I liked her very much.  I admired her singing talent, and thought that she was one of the most seductive women I had ever known.  I had first met her the year before and we'd met through my girlfriend Barbara, who made it clear that Aphrodite was a little odd and seemed always be  secretive, like she was hiding from someone  or something; which intrigued me and may have made her seem to me to be more attractive than she actually was.  

   I took a drive to The Stone's Throw Bar on Westheimer Road, which was a seedy time warp of a saloon usually filled with Rice University students who were there to lust after off-duty strippers.  When I walked to the back room, I fully expected Aphrodite to be wearing one of those gowns that she always wore when she sang: skin-tight, ones that always seemed to plunge lower and lower, revealing her long legs and rather ample bosom, with long-black hair, amazingly beautiful blue eyes, and wonderfully white teeth.  She turned nervously when she saw me, her eyes moving past me to a waiter, who she immediately waved away.  He left the room.  Aphrodite was not as sleek as she usually was.  She wore a simple dress without high-heels and lipstick and her blue eyes were  cloudy with tears.  


   She stood and put her arms around me and then said:  I'm sorry, but I really need to talk.  She then sat back down and lit a Marlboro and took a sip of her vodka, as I slowly sat across the table from her.  Do you want something to drink? she asked.  No, I'm fine, I answered.    Maybe you need to know why I called you, she said.  Sounds like a good idea to me, I answered with a smile.  Then she said: I just found out that I'm about to be extradited and deported back to Greece to stand trial for murder.


    I  sat silently, attempting to process in my mind what she had just told me.  She then took a moment to check out the room to make certain that no one else was around.   Her usual laughing tones  had now become something personal when she said: This is something I have never talked to anybody about.  My Mother shot my father when I was 9 years old because she knew that he was a psychopath, and was afraid that he would one day do something to me like he had done to her.  One evening, after she had been beaten by him in our kitchen, she went into our bedroom, got his pistol from the dresser drawer, came back into the kitchen, and shot him.  When the authorities came, I told them I did it. 


   Why did you confess to something you didn't do?  I asked.  She replied: I needed to protect my Mother.  The following morning, she and I packed a few belongings fled to America before the authorities returned to take me in for questioning.  She began to have explosions of guilt and anger.  She was angry with my father for what he had done to her, and felt guilty that I had confessed to a crime that she had committed. She eventually took her own life.  And after that, I moved to Houston.  I want you and Barbara to help me evade extradition.  Could the two of you do that for me?


   I wasn't quite certain how to reply.  


   Her mere presence was enough to make me afraid.  For her.  For me.  For Barbara.  If you don't want to do it, just say so, Aphrodite said.  I replied, I honestly don't know how I am or how I feel.  I do know one thing, however: We both need to talk this over with Barbara.  Do you have some place to stay?  She said, No.  I can't go back to my apartment and I'm afraid to stay here.  I then told her that she could stay with us.  And so for more than an hour, on this somewhat rainy Houston night, the three of us sat in our apartment living room while Aphrodite explained everything to Barbara.  We then drove around the empty streets.  Barbara and I talked about what options we had and Aphrodite sat silent, looking out the window at the empty night.


   The following morning, we went to the law office of our friend Emmett Flemming, a tall-gaunt man with a handle-bar moustache and ever-present smile, who had once dated Aphrodite.  The entire situation was then explained.  Emmett sat listening and taking notes and nodding his head from time-to-time.  He then settled back in his chair.  He said: That wasn't the brightest thing to do, Aphrodite.  It takes an idiot to confess to a crime they didn't commit.  He then paused, took another drag on the cigar, exhaled, and added:  You stay with Barb and Richard, while I try to determine what the legal ramifications are. He then gave a small smile.  The last thing I want is to see you become an old busted-down hooker on the streets of Rome after you've gone to jail.  I'll stay in touch.


   And with that, he sent us home. 


   But the fact was that I knew that Emmett knew some real shady people, including some on the Houston Police Force.  He was friendly with hoodlums.  He also had friendships with the Mayor and other politicians.  And I was certain that he was still attracted to Aphrodite, and when the crunch  came, he would do anything he could do for her.  Legally or illegally.  It was about 8 o'clock that evening, when I got a call from Emmett and he said, How'd you like to take a little evening trip with me tonight?  I said: Where?  He laughed, then said, Into the dark underground river of Houston's underbelly.  I'll have you home no later than dawn.


  I know some really awful guys, he had once told me.  Sometimes they come in handy.  And an hour later he introduced me to a man named Mooney Malone inside of the Big Star Bar on 19th Street.  Mooney apparently was a gangster of some repute, who once had an affair with a stripper by the name of Candy Barr.  Candy had also happened to have had an affair with the notorious Los Vegas gangster Mickey Cohen and also knew Jack Ruby who had shot President Kennedy.  Candy once had shot her estranged and violent husband too, when he kicked in her apartment door in Dallas, she was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, waltzed into the court in a low-cut dress and short skirt, and the charges were immediately dropped.  


  She was now living a quiet life in Victoria, Texas with the daughter of the husband she once attempted to terminate.  Apparenly, Candy was quite a gal.  After Emmett had called Mooney Malone earlier in the evening before he and I met, Mooney had dialed-up Candy and, for some odd reason known only to Candy and Mooney and perhaps Emmett but obviously not to me, she immediately volunteered to help Aphrodite out by coming to Houston to see what she could do.  Let me say this about Candy, Mooney said,  Not only does Candy know how to work a court room, the gal's a real friend and she's never let no one down.  He then looked at me.  You ought to see th' porn movie she made.   An' even though that was awhile back, th' lady's still a real looker.


   I found that to be true when I found Candy perched seductively on my living room couch at about 10  o'clock on the following morning. 


   By then, I had traveled throughout the night with Emmett after we left Mooney to travel to a home in River Oaks, one of the most opulent neighborhoods in Houston, to see a one-eyed man who happened to be a judge that Emmett knew.  He was an expert in International-law and, as Emmett said, Is prone to taking bribes and an expert at making deals.  They had gone-off into his den to talk.  I waited for them in the kitchen and was served a slice of apple pie by a maid, who asked if I'd like a glass of milk too.  We then returned to my apartment.  And there Candy was, smiling at up the both of us, while we couldn't  take our eyes-off of her rather ample bosom.  This was something that neither Barbara or Aphrodite seemed to appreciate, so we both turned and looked at them. Emmett then asked Barbara for an introduction.  Babara introduced us both to Candy.  Candy stood-up and gave us both a kiss on the cheek.  Emmett asked Candy if she had talked to Mooney.  Candy said yes she had.  Then Emmett said to Candy, Are you ready to go see the judge?  And Candy replied with a sweet smile on her face, Of course, I am.  They went out the door, got into Emmett's tan Volvo, and drove-off down the street. 


   The room then fell silent. 


  Both Barbara and Aphrodite seemed to be glaring at me.  Barbara then said in what I thought to be a rather sinister tone, What exactly is going on here?  And I replied, I honestly don't know.  Then she asked: Where were you last night?  I replied:We met with a gangster in a saloon by the name of Mooney and then drove over to a Judge's house in River Oaks.  She seemed to be glaring at me when she said: What was the judge's name?  I replied: I don't know.  I didn't ask.  He and Emmett went into his den to talk.  She was now less than 6 inches from my face.  And? she asked.   I answered: I sat in the fucking kitchen and ate a slice of apple pie.  By then, it had become a rather rapid back-and forth between the two of us. And then what did you do? she said.  I drank a glass of milk after I'd eaten the pie.  Emmett and the judge came back into the kitchen, Emmett and I walked outside and then we drove back here.  It was obvious to me that her trust of me was less than it once had been when she asked, What time did the two of you leave the judge's house?  And I said: How the hell should I know, I'm not wearing a watch!  And she said: Why not?  It was then that I knew that it was best for me to go out for a walk.


   After I finished my stroll, I then got the silent treatment from both Barbara and Aphrodite throughout the remainder of the afternoon up until the time that Emmett and Candy returned, and was more than thankful that Barbara and Aphrodite happened to be out in the backyard when they entered the door and Candy said to Emmett: He really wasn't a bad fuck for an older guy with one-eye.  By 5 o'clock that afternoon, Candy was inside the coach of a Lone Star bus back on her merry-way to Victoria, Texas with much more loot in her purse than she had when she had come to town earlier in the day at 7 o'clock that morning. 


   Somewhere deep within Emmett Flemming, I knew he felt more than a small amount of satisfaction when he returned to my apartment after having made sure that Candy would have a safe trip back home, then said: Aphrodite won't be extradited, after all.  Aphrodite immediately jumped up off of the sofa, gave him a hug then kissed Emmett fully on his lips and asked him: How  can I ever repay you?  Emmet lit a cigar, replied with a slight smile on his face and said: I'll think of something.  And all four of us went out to dinner at Maxim's, possibly the finest restaurant in Houston's history, where Emmett pulled a ring out of his shirt pocket, proposed to Aphrodite, and Aphrodite immediately said, Yes...


   ...Which I assume may mean the old saying: All's well that ends well is true, no matter which road you take in order to get there, whether it be straight or somewhat crooked. ...